i really like the first one! it makes me connect with her and it makes me want to help her

jillian

* Dawn seems like a well developed character. I like that she wants something simple, like joining the marching band. What instrument does she play? Flute & clarinet are typical "girl" instruments, but require a lot of finger dexterity. Is that a problem? Any of the brass instruments wouldn't be a problem at all, especially trombone. I guess it's that choice of instrument could be an additional source of conflict, or no problem at all depending on which direction you want to go.
* I'm very curious about the world Alister lives in. What other forest creatures is he controlling? Why? He reads as some sort of dark wizard, and I like that angle, but I'm curious if that's what you intend.

April

Good job. What I found most interesting was the character named Don. It makes me wonder more about if she had the self-confidence that she needed if she would have join band?

Kahiau