its good but could get some more detail and get a louder voice.

ben

I really like jerry a lot i find him very intresting. Maybe touch more on the world he lives in or the people around him so us as readers can know what his everyday day to day life looks like. But other than that you did amazing, great job!

samantha

I thought that your idea would make a great story. I thought you could've gone more in-depth with his problems and who he is on the inside. I think that you should make your character more complex so the story isn't simple. Overall I think that your story shows a lot of promise and will be great!

Graham

Looks interesting.

Rosy

Its cool but talk louder next submissions please

Kaalai

I like but I think you need to talk a little louder

Jesus

What I found most interesting his goal that he has. I wonder if he will let those people who bring him down let them take over him. Or will he overpower them through the story.

Xiadani

what if found most interesting is how Jerry is too shy and will not show his creations to the public. I struggle a lot with doing so as well. i would like to see how this story would turn out.

ivy

I like the contrast between a shy personality and an interest in sharing something like portals with the public. It can allow for interesting character development ideas. Perhaps consider using this as another thing Jerry might need (needing to learn how to be brave). Good ideas!

Rio

please talk a little louder next time you submit

Rowin

Nice work on this. What I found most interesting is his interest in portals while at the same time being shy....it's a cool combination. I wonder how he will get over his shyness? can't wait for more!

Brit

i think you could add more internal information.

jackson

I like how much detail you put into the drawing and how much detail you made the character

Lily